Every day feels so monotonous and boring: drag my butt out of bed, throw on a bra, and get Jack out of bed. Change his diaper. Breakfast. Clean up breakfast. Put on Bubble Guppies (thankfully we have 53 episodes PVR'd so I'm not stuck with season 1 on Netflix!), make myself presentable(ish). Sometimes we run downtown, just to get out of the house; sometimes we just lounge. Ryder comes at 11:30. Lunch, clean up lunch, change Jack's diaper, nap time. Find something for myself for lunch. Playtime (which can be anything from playdoh to crafts or board/card games). Snack time. Get Jack out of bed, change his diaper. More playtime (or movie time). Meltdowns. Clean up before Ryder gets picked up. Start supper. Eat supper. Clean up supper. Get Jack ready for bed.
I'm starting to become very resentful of anyone who gets to leave the house (ahem, Carter). Even on the rare occasion I do get out with no kid(s), I feel a pulling responsibility to be at home. Then I look at Carter who spent 8 hours with his buddies today, is going on a 3 day trip with the young men, immediately followed by a week in Mexico with his brother, and I am so insanely jealous. Not even that he's going to Mexico for free, even though I am, but because if someone offered me a free trip to Mexico I don't think I would accept it. I wouldn't be able to leave without feeling guilty.
Moms, help me out. How do I get unstuck?
That's no fun that you feel that way :(
ReplyDeleteAlthough I love Sheriff immensely, I've never really felt that huge obligation to be with her if I'm away. I believe that is because she's been formula fed so she didn't need me exclusively from birth. You can still be an awesome mom to Jack, but I think maybe you need to make yourself realize that everything will be fine if you're not there. If someone offers to watch Jack or you have a chance to do something without him, TAKE IT. I totally know how you feel about this, I used to feel like everything in my life was going to be a huge disaster if I wasn't there (ie. group projects at school, callings at church, etc). I think these feelings are due to a need for control (I'll admit it straight up - I'm a huge control freak, trying to get it under control…. hehe, see what I did there?).
Another thing that might help is making "plans" for the day. I'm not talking huge elaborate plans, but something that is out of the ordinary that you can look forward to. Go to a different park in town that you haven't taken Jack to before. Go visit an old family friend. Find a craft on pinterest to do. Just something little, but something to kill the monotony.