July 25, 2013

Why I stopped breastfeeding.

Don't get me wrong. I loved the bond I formed with Jack through the most primal motherly duty. I loved hearing his little whimper and knowing that only I could fix his world. I love knowing that in his earliest stages of life, when he was floating between the other side and this side, that my breast milk was his nectar of everything good. I love that I was able to provide him with that one basic necessity. I'm incredibly proud of myself for maintaining the ability to breastfeed in those first difficult months. I'm proud of him for learning so early. 

When that nurse informed me that Jack wasn't growing and would need to be hospitalized, my heart broke. I begged her to let us try something new and she agreed. 

Formula. I've never been pro-formula. I never thought I would need to be. But watching my baby become more alert while staying the same size as a newborn was harder than giving up the one thing I should be able to do for him. 

On Friday, July 19,Jack weighed 6 lb 13 oz. On Wednesday, July 24, 5 days after starting formula and 3 days after giving up breastfeeding, Jack weighed 7 lb 15 oz

There was no contest. Jack is a formula baby.

It was hard to stop nursing. But as long as Jack is happy, healthy, and growing I'm okay. 

Bonuses: I can leave Jack and not feel guilty (or engorged). I can buy a pretty non-nursing bra. I can go back on normal birth control. I can drink as much Diet Coke as my tummy can handle. I can eat spicy food. 

Best of all: my scrawny baby is developing a double chin. 

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