May 27, 2013


Over the last nine weeks, people - the social worker in the hospital, nurses, strangers, my mom, my husband - have told me I'm an amazing mom; that I'm stronger than they could be; that they could never do what I do every day. I just want to clarify: I'm not amazing. I don't possess incredible human strength. I just have an undying love for the tiny human I carried in me for 28 weeks and 4 days. I don't feel like I've done anything out of the ordinary. I just feel like a mom who is doing everything in her power to care for her son. 

Don't get me wrong - I know this path to motherhood has had bumps and turns and detours, and it's the most challenging thing I've ever experienced. But that does not make me extraordinary. It makes me a mother. 

My path has crossed with fellow NICU mothers who have had it much worse than we have - ventilators, resuscitation, seizures, living hours away from their newest love, not being allowed to hold the part of their heart that left their body. For that I am grateful. If it wasn't for the inspiring stories of these women who have seen their child pounced on by respiratory therapists trying to get a breath exhaled, or stayed nights in an armchair at the bedside following a major abdominal surgery I would have fallen apart long ago. But if these women can keep their daily vigil up for months on end with the scariest circumstances, I can definitely handle driving fifteen minutes to hold and feed my very healthy baby for fifteen (or more) hours a day. 

I have no hard feelings toward God, or the doctors, or myself for our current situation. Jack is the best thing that has happened to our life, irregardless of him coming at term or twelve weeks early.

I so look forward to the day I can bring my little man home, and I pray everyday for the mothers and fathers who never got that chance. We are so blessed to have the medical advances that saved my life, and the life of our baby. 

The prophet Joseph Smith once said, "I should never get discouraged, whatever difficulties should surround me, if I was sunk in the lowest pit of Nova Scotia and all the Rocky Mountains piled on top of me, I ought not to be discouraged but hang on, exercise faith and keep up good courage and I should come out on the top of the heap."

That is the attitude I'm trying to have. 

"..All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." (D&C 122:7-8)

May 26, 2013

{Week 9.}

All of the days are blending into one! I can't tell what's going on haha.

Jack has had a slow growing week, with a couple nights gaining 2 g, or 4 g, or 14 g.. Then he gained 54 g!.. And lost 14 g. So hopefully this next week is better because he might be coming home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're pretty excited.

He had immunizations this week. :(

This basically sums that up. For both of us.
He also had some visitors!

Uncle Mason and his girlfriend Elizabeth came up to visit.

So all in all it was a good week. Jack weighs about 5 lb 11 oz, but like I said before, it's been up and down. We're really excited about the possibility of coming home in the next week or 2!

All of the prayers and good thoughts are so appreciated, we feel every one of them. Thank you!

Mama and Jack at 1 week (28 weeks gestation)
Mama and Jack at 9 weeks (37 weeks gestation)

May 19, 2013

{Weeks 6-8}

Oops. I got busy with my baby. :) He's nearly 8 weeks old now! Ugh .I can't even believe it. I have spent every day for the last 8 weeks in the hospital! How miserable?! But it's a lot easier when I get to look at this face all day.

I don't even really know where to start. I'll just go with what has changed since week 5.

He weighs a pound more than he did 3 weeks ago! He's now 5 lb 6 oz! He officially fits Newborn-sized clothes!

He's not on any pressurized oxygen. He gets <25 mL of oxygen/hour. They're going to try him on room air soon!

He is being given oral feeds all the time! No more feeding tube! Breastfeeding during the day, bottles at night. But once he gets closer to coming home (if we can get any closer..) I'll be staying overnight to BF 24/7.

Which bring us to the next exciting thing! We were transferred from the RAH NICU to the GN NICU. That was traumatizing for both of us. Watching your tiny baby get strapped into a isolette on a stretched and wheeled into an ambulance is terrible.

We're literally in the home stretch. Finally. All we're waiting is for him to get off the oxygen. SOOOOOOOOOOON!

Also, I just love this picture. The left side is my mom in the hospital when I was born. The right side is me with Jack at nearly 2 months old. About the same size. And the babies look alike! Obviously my son. ;)

Oh, and here's this picture too.

Like woah, right?

May 12, 2013

It's a First!

Today is my first Mother's Day as a mother. :) But this certainly isn't the first post I've done on Mother's Day. Probably because I have the best mother in the whole entire world. [See here and here.]

I never understood how she could love 5 kids - and now a son-in-law - until 48 days ago, when I heard my son's cry for the first time. He's taken over my whole life.

And I'd like to say thank you to my mom for being the best example for me on how to raise my son.

"The only thing greater than having you as my mom,
is my children having you as a grandma."

May 2, 2013


Join this challenge!

I know a lot about high risk pregnancies.

I know a lot about thinking your pregnancy is so healthy and wonderful, even with type 1 diabetes, only to find out that your body is basically rejecting the precious life you're carrying.

I know all about being lied to by doctors about being put on bed rest.

I know about spending 4 days on said bed rest in a hospital staring out at a brick wall, missing fresh air and vitamin D.

I know about feeling your little boy kicking at his heart rate monitor and ultrasound probe in frustration.

I know how being diagnosed with severe preeclampsia feels.

I know how scary it is.

I know how magnesium sulfate feels when it hits your blood stream. How awful it is.

I know how bumpy the ambulance ride to and from the airport is.

I know how small air ambulances are, and how quickly they can travel 1000 km.

I know how dumb you feel when the doctor looks you in the eye and asks if you know what's going on or how sick you are.

I know how it feels to be told you'll be delivering your 28-weeks gestation son by emergency C-section..

I know what a C-section feels like.

I know how hard it is to see your son get whisked away and be left on the operating table, wondering how he is and what's happening.

I know all about having a baby in the NICU (38 days and counting!), and how hard it is to get him to wake up and try breast feeding.

I know how lucky I am to have a healthy son, to be healthy, to have a little family. I know how wonderful extended family is. I know how important a ward family is. I know how frustrating and scary pregnancy can be, especially when it's a high risk.. But I know, above all, how worth it it is. I know how worth it it is to hold your newborn, tiny tiny son for the first time, and to watch him grow, and come to recognize his parents.

I know what love is. Again.

May 1, 2013

250 Word Challenge

Join this challenge!

Surprise girl.
Last minute name change.
Brother #1. Ryan.
Brother #2. Tyler.
Brother #3. Max.
Brother #4. Justin.
Epic millennial sleepover with Kimber.
Young Womens.
February 2003
House fire.
Summer 2003
Sweet family reunion.
New cousins.
Water fight.
New house.
Air band.
Done elementary school.
Junior High.
Kind of first boyfriend.
More boys.
Fake boyfriend.
New best friends.
First real boyfriend.
First kiss with second boyfriend.
High School Musical to infinity and beyond.
Spokane (train).
Best friend becomes boyfriend.
Boyfriend ends.
Still best friends.

Stake New Years Eve dance = met my amazing hubby.
First missionary friend.
Hawaii again.
Last boyfriend forever.
Michael Buble concert. Fan-freaking-tastic.
Fired for the first time.
Moved to Edmonton.
New friends.
More missionary friends.
First place by myself.
Married to my wonderful love.
Name change.
Graduation again.
Real life job.
Big Valley Jamboree. Rascal Flatts forever.
20 years old. WHAT!
BFF baptism.
Fancy new car.
Being Carter’s caretaker.
Broken fancy new car.
One year anniversary.
Fixed fancy new car.
Getting bigger. And bigger.
Swollen. Swelling. Puffy.
High blood pressure.
Severe preeclampsia.
Airplane ride.
Out of time.
Emergency C-section.
Jack Cameron. Two pounds, nine ounces. My perfect little boy.
Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.
Thirty seven days and counting.
Frustration and tears and love.
So much love.